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an obession on the boy.


2004-07-19 - 10:03 p.m.

I don't like the way I feel tonight. Dependant. Strung out. Helpless.

Maybe the boyfriend thing wasn't a good thing. What if depending on someone, someone who is there for me every night isn't a good thing? I could just cry. But probably, it's that I'm overreacting. And I've got sugar ruling the brain. I've been off the wagon for a month now. And tonight I feel such loneliness, emptyness, I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself-ness. Perhaps we do need to spend more time away from each other. We've been together every night accept maybe once a week-- But who is to know? Neither one of us have experience in this long term thing... how are you suposed to know.

GOD! It will be 4 months that we have been together! I told him last night that just when I think that I can't like him any more than I do, my feeling get deeper. And it's true. And I know that I feel big things for him. Things I don't quite understand.

Yesterday was amazing. When I saw him, (after it being more than 24 hours and not spending Sat night with him) it was passionate. We had the most terrificly soft intense kiss at the door before we even shut it. I lost my balance. Then we had the most beautiful long stares at each other as he ly in my lap. Like a freakin puppy, just as happy as a clam. I adore him. He's too amazing to me and yet it seems that I know him, I've always known him.

I'm doing my laundry at his house, so everything smells like him. It is just about killing me right now.

something new - 2004-09-28
late night - sexually deprived - excuse the breast beating. - 2004-07-23
an obession on the boy. - 2004-07-19
an obession on the boy. - 2004-07-19
poo - 2004-07-08