late night - sexually deprived - excuse the breast beating.

I'm pretty much fucked. I haven't seen him in 3 days and pretty much everything is going through my head. I know intellectually that he is sick and stressed but emotionally, I can't handle the diseffected way we have been. I can't handle how strong and supportive I have been ... it's so wrong. Inside I'm like jelly, thinking maybe he's seeing someone else or maybe he's just making excuses because he's sick of me. I'm overthinking everything. And no call tonight. I know he knows I'm not going to be available. and I saw him for like 15 minutes today.

I hope no one is reading this - I am so pathetically attached to him. I used to have no trouble with independence and now I don't want to go home - I don't want to spend another night alone. What I have I traded my complacent lonely single life for?

What if I'm being duped? He really just wants space or time or away from me? What if the space and time has made him realize that he really can live without me? What have I learned? That being apart gets easier? That I need to communicate better... It's always this.

I wish it weren't so hard to trust him. He has given me very little to not trust him. What from my past has convinced me that I cannot trust people. Years of independence and isolation... But what will become of the me I thought I was in this relationship?