grad fucking school

special. got the letter I've been waiting 3 months for today. watching the mail. getting nothing but crap, and watching it for another crap letter from someone who knows my middle name.

So I didn't get into graduate school. So. It matters. I act like it doesn't. It does. It's like not getting to go to disney land when all you have ever wanted is to meet micky. But more it's like you are famished, hungry for some kind of sustainance and all you get is your daily serving of the same crap everyone else eats. I can't eat it any more. And I am going hungry for some kind of artistic feeling... for a community. for a job where I don't have to clean up other people's shit. I can't be force feed the materialistic crap anymore. of some genius marketer and hip advertiser. I don't want to dress corporate, in fact I would love to rip apart my suit jackets and make them into wacky plus-size dresses.

but i don't know what to do.