I need away.

do you ever need that re-assurance that people -anybody, anything for that matter- still likes you? I feel like I am the emotional age of a 5th grader. Right at that all-so-appropriate ackward age where what is said is not enough and what is demonstrated can so easily be misconstrued as a mere "accident" that was subjected to environment and the inner movement of the sun that it is only an occasional liking, not a real, true testiment to the degree in which those who "say" they like me actually do.

Let's not even talk about love. I don't know what that is.

Ok, granted, I am just going off. Don't mind me. I had a long ass weekend in Columbus OH. Staying in a hotel kind of gave me the creeps. I didn't sleep well at all and now I feel like shit. Conferences suck. Anyone out there in the entire world who has to sell something for a living (especially those who sell the arts for god sakes) I pity you and have an understanding of your frustrations. However, should you enjoy it... WHY and HOW I don't understand.

Coming home was great-- but the thought of going to work tomorrow makes my insides turn. So I'm not. I feel like I have sold my soul to the devil and there is no getting away. Or worse, I've sold myself to the commercialism of the world and there is no getting in touch with my actual feelings again.

And in your numbness, what does one do? Ordering pizza and going to bed early comes to mind... I actually think I watched too much tv this weekend and have read one too many self-help books in my short lifetime. I need intervention:

But tomorrow I think I will head out and go for a hike on the St. Croix. I need away. I need perspective. And peace. And, well, Love while I am listing things.