tripping

In the hopes of being invited to another party with the new work people... I made up a big fat lie. :) and it's kinda funny. and I'm kinda not ashamed of it. I told them I had sex instead of going to their party. Which couldn't have been further from the truth. I actually had a delightful time with 2 couples playing air hocky and haveing my first beer since 1987. (or so it felt.)

I am giving up on internet dating. I think from now on I'll just had out cards to random people saying "single, will spead legs for polite conversation" and only include an email address. Again. Nothing further from the truth.

The person I want to be and the person I am are slowly merging and it's a painful process. I feel the best friend might be a casuality in the whole process. Last week when I needed her, when I was crying on the phone, there was no help. And a week and 1/2 later she called to tell me about her horrible week. Which I predicted. You can't change people. You can't see a situation the way you want it to play out. You can, of course do these things, or attempt them... but you are always disappointed. And this is why I am disappointed in the best friend. She wasn't even good to me, let alone best.

I feel empowered and wise today. I am also avoiding the horrid job. I feel the tension in my neck and wrists just being here. Thank goodness for massage school and www.radiantrecovery.com.

I get to see my first pregnant friend and fam over thanksgiving. I am very excited.

I am mentally planning a trip to Boston. When, I don't know, my school schedule has no breaks... Perhaps my spring hiatus. Perhaps when Jodi moves back home. But I need to see my swim suit buddy. I need to reconnect to her amazing energy and tromp around boston discovering bits of vinyl and good chinese. I need to see the jboy and turn my fantasies into realities. Back up into the mountains. I need to see him as he is, not the potential that he could be in my mind as I see our fucking potential life together. I need to see david. The pen pal. I want to know him now that I have found myself. I want to hear his discourse on computer linguistics and daily computing. So this is the next trip, mental trip.