relationship scaryness

So - we're 11 weeks into a relationship. RELATIONSHIP PEOPLE. Scary. Real scared here.

Do I like him enough? Do I like him too much? Vasillation, constantly. He's the sweetiest guy in the history of the world. Considerate. Funny. Loving. Sexy. Boy.

I can't explain my feelings. I'm careful. I'm fearful I'll break him like the boys who loved me before. Like I'll leave him feeling all these things for me and I'll need to leave because what is really inside me is nothingness. Sometimes it doesn't feel like enough - but what is? Sometimes' I am full and feeling absolutely lucky. I remember who he is and how amazing that is. I'm afraid to leave and I'm afraid to stay and I'm afraid to grow and I'm afraid to stay in one spot. There is nothing wrong with him - we never fight (except about politics) - but now there are all these questions.

Am I being myself with him and accepting things I shouldn't? Is he being himself with me and do I like the him he really is, not the him I think him to be. Is he enough for me? What more is there? Do I want more or is it simply the idea of more that haunts me? How could he be more than he is? Perhaps it's that he doesn't appreciate art/theater or that he doesn't fit the image in my head or that I need sex with multiple people in my lifetime...

But mostly, I feel I'm pulling back from him. That inside my head he is changing into something slightly less than he was. Bordem? My fear is that my feelings are not even with his - that I may be settling for him because he is the first man in my life and that a higher experience of life is out there... and I'm afraid that he'll want things I can't give him - like commitment and convention and love. Is there a gap between what he feels for me and what I feel for him and does it matter? And what if he doesn't entertain me and I get bored 30 years from now?

You are in relationships to highten the experience of being human. To be in a relationship is to give not get.

and what is this love thing? This comfortablity? This total and complete comfort with another human being? What am I supposed to be feeling right now? Is it intense or calm? Am I/are we too calm? We're calm - it's such a sensible relationship with no problems.

perhaps I need something more than calm and sensible - perhaps it's just what I need.