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precarious today
2001-04-12 - 11:03 a.m.
Doing ok today.
Only woke up only once last night. Got 8 hrs of sleep and woke up awake at 7am. How's that work? I think yesterday I hit the true bottom and what is left when you are at the bottom... A climb. Of course everytime I have a good day I have a bad one to follow. I am still so scared. I am petrified of getting better. I am afraid that life won't ever be the same. I am afraid that it will be better. I am afraid that I will stay the same, on one even level forever and ever. But mostly, I am afraid that every move will spin me towards the bottom again and that it will be much further down this time. I am curious... how bad can it get? my pdoc said that I was in pretty poor shape and begged me to take her cell number and call her if I feel suicidal. But I am not suicidal. I don't have the energy.
Depression is some kind of sick addiction. My condition is so precarious.
something new - 2004-09-28late night - sexually deprived - excuse the breast beating. - 2004-07-23
an obession on the boy. - 2004-07-19
an obession on the boy. - 2004-07-19
poo - 2004-07-08
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