grrr

today's a bad day. back still hurts, i was very annoyed on the train and thinking violent thoughts of death and violence. I can understand the shootings, I thought it would be great to take a machine gun to work. i hate everything and i am tired. What is happening to me? Am I getting worse again? I slept right through my alarm today. I just want to go home right now, crawl in bed and cuddle with the kitties just like at 8:05 this morning. Bill came in and I was reading the review for the new R.E.M. cd and he says "you're bored" I said "yes" He says "then we have to find you something to do" Oh goody, more faxing, more filing, more idiocy, more more more mundane!!

Should I just quit now and go up to players and just relax? I don't know if I can stand sitting here everyday for 3 more months. I was thinking about my favorite place in the whole world today, (besides my bed) Eagle trail in spring. You are walking on the interwoven roots of cedars, the bluff on one side and the bay on the other, climbing rocks, there is moss and trees and dew and it smells like heaven and I could never be unhappy in that spot. I am just sad. i wish i was anywhere else, but where is that? I can't wait to see judy, i don't know what is going on.

grrr