a few unoriginal observations and a lot of (I know, unnecessary) complaining about actors

So I am in Somewhere-with-a-lot-of-forests-and-lakes-but-you,-purplefinchy,-will-never-get-to-see-anything-but-your-4-hotel-walls-hhaa-ha, MN.

I haven't been able to sit for very long at a time--and I am just so afraid that it will spasm even worse. Although not being able to sit or stand for very long doesn't help my job. I was doing very well, but then I spent some time at my computer doing schedules and bamm. I am back in bed.

I wonder sometimes how I ended up in this place, with all the nasty consequences... and how can I possibly go back to being healthy, it will take so much effort. I guess I am really afraid that I will be as miserable as I was in high school, always striving for some unreal image of my body, always trying to be somebody else. I have been rebelling against that (and being healthy) for so long. Depression throws such strange curves. I don't think I would eat some days if I couldn't eat something sweet or that I really enjoyed.

Enough about my twisted brain. My body is getting a clear wakeup call.

We have 4 days off here but I have to work. Yes, I am pouting.

I can't go anywhere without having to be expected to be a walking, talking, schedule-reciting, all-purpose, complaint-accepting CM Me. I really just want to bop people in the head with my Nalgene bottle these days.

BABBLE BABBLE BABBLE I'm an actor and I have to talk ALL THE TIME I swear if a moment passes without my comment I may spontaneously combust!!! Or worse, nobody hears me and reacts to me. Oh god, how desparate is my life? I work only 6 hours a week but everything is completely wrong to the point where I have to make everyone else's life hell because of it. ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!! I always have the right answer, the correct version, the funniest joke and the most original observation."

I am fake puking right now.