It's all for the best.

Today, I do feel at one with the universe. I got together and went for a walk with lose your shoes girl. It was so nice just to walk at night. AND it great to know that someone else is as much as a disfunction during unemployment.

I feel like it's the first day of classes tomorrow. I'm doing a first rehearsal for fringe tomorrow. eek. SMing. woo-hoo-y.

Not that there is anything wrong with a playwright directing his own material and having the sum of our pr department acting in the show. Not that the 4 one acts aren't semi mediocre. Why am I such a theatre snob? Is it inherited or environment.

I decided to finish Lord of the Rings trilogy this summer. Job or no job.

Oh, yeah... I did a bad thing. I was deliberating... invite B or not to invite B to this kick ass party we are having this weekend. AND out of pure selfishness I did. It was as simple as adding his name to my email list.

What isn't simple, is how I feel about him. I still think about him nearly every day. And I am sure if you have kept up with this plot line, that you know I don't even really like to hang out with him. But our bodies crave each other-- and I am trying to describe this in the least romantic way possible. And it isn't romance. It's sexual.

I wonder what importance sex would have in my life if I hadn't gained enough weight to be deemed unattractive and had sex at the chronologically appropriate age. I am always behind the time, and I sort of like it... I seem to avoid some of the foolishness of relationships by watching others go through it first.

I don't know why I wonder about B every day and why I think I see him sometimes and why I look for his cars, since now we are in the same city. It's hard to imagine being here and not thinking about him, I suppose.

BUT

Being without him is really the only way things work out "for the best"