You don't own me, I'm not just one of your many toys... How ever, you may be one of mine.

The heavy rain and thunder/lightning is causing havoc in this state. Car alarms are going off, emergency vehicles are loud and nobody is walking. At the lake, the water has covered the dock where last summer I dangled my feet and didn't touch. A lightning bolt just hit and shook our house. Storms make me happy. Keep the heat away. It feels cleansing. And makes the day anything but dull.

My 52 year old friend has a birthday today. Sometimes it is so surreal that I have "friends" the age of my parents, but I love it. He has planned out his whole day, in perfect KC style. Lunch, new movie at twilight prices, and then drinks. With lovely friends. It's lovely to have a social life back. Pacey is back in town and watch out gay community!!!

Much has changed in my life-view since Saturday. We had a big party. I had G people, my theatre people, Ppark people, and B. Yes B. Boy with live-in girlfriend. It was so great that many people validating my existance in this city.

It was great to see him. Girl left after being there only 45 minutes. He was the last one to leave at 4pm. And all the sexual chemistry that I thought would be gone, was still very present.

So it didn't seem unnatural when he kissed me goodnight. And when I pulled away, he thanked me for my courage. But when I came back for another round, his sigh and hard-on was so exciting.

I think we should have a sexual relationship. We should be having sex. A casual, no-strings, respectful, once-in-a-while sexual encounter would be good for me. Because dear god, I don't need him around all the time. I would grow emotionally, spiritually and sexually and this is the type of growth I have been seeking. And his is not happy in monogamy, although his girlfriend is.

I have fantasized about proposing this to him... and it almost SHOCKS me that I would do that. My suggestion. I am so calm about it now. I think it is just that I am so comfortable with him, and it is a mutual agreement that we should be having sex. We should be having sex, I don't see how we could pass up this opportunity. Yes, I've been reading Ethical Sluts.

I'm signing a lease for my own apartment this weekend.

GEE life is good.

Rain Rain!