a wash...

THere is something so raw in the air durning a morning storm. It really cleanses me. Sleep and workingout have really pulled me from the slump I have been sinking deeper into. My real problem? I really like depression. It inspires me to the nothingness which I beginning to see that my life has accomplished. And there it is. But there is rain and a bit of DMB to jazz up the morning. And nothing like two bilingual repairmen in your apartment at 9am.

Yesterday, at the dreaded workplace, I had a very exhilerating meeting. I am going to Columbus to book the next tour. Mr. Artistic Director and Ms. Managing Director listened to my ideas and complimented me on them. Mr. AD actually had the same valid points that I did: Making the tour fucking MATTER. Here, we have excellent resources but hardly any execution. If it is the death of my career, I will make it matter to them, to somebody, to the communities. This is what I want to work on. This matters to me personally. This makes work worth it.

But there is a lot to do before Sept 21.

I am still living in the delusional dream world were the boys I love are perfect and they love me back and our imaginary sex is great and our fanstasy dates keep me awake at night and our perfect kisses transend the universe and their enormous empty void haunts me.