a rant instead of a drink or a cry

Ok. I'm just freggin poopy tonight. My mfing institution wants to send me out on the road again. Allow me to enlighten those who thing "the road" may seem like a very romantic place. But there are no vegetarian restaurants in the middle of nowheresville midwest. My gym is here. Out there is just another hotel, another venue, another smoky bar. Trying to make a social life out of bits and pieces... and people who are thrown together in a van. Driving and sleeping in some holiday inn with bedding that you know hasn't been washed recently. (at the end of my last tour I was stripping the bed down to the clean sheets and using my own blanket and pillow from the bus.

But what annoys me the most, I guess, is that the job I am doing now is not important enough to respect that I can just be shleped off into another (and may I say slightly infirior) job just because they can't fing find a person to do that job. I am not, nor will I ever be a stage manager. In fact, I have called very few shows in my day. I am a relatively unexperienced person. And yet, somehow the solution to this major problem.

YOu know what? Either way I am fucked. If I say no, if I say yes. So why not bargin for a shitload of money and take the free ride. But that means missing 2 vactions at home (I miss my parents & my beloved Door County), 4 shows I have tix to, Tori in concert w/my be fri and I can't even think about it.

Shawny said I was better than this. He knows me so well.

Why don't you people understand that is fucked up to employ a perfectly intelligent girl with great academic aspirations to drive around and clean up and take care of grown adults.

I fear that this night's dreams will be as jaded and staggeringly work related as last night's.

The managing director keeps saying "you better stay with us more than a year". Ha! is what i have to say to her. Treat me like I am valuable then.

I could just ball right now. And I feel like a drink. I think bedtime.