squirmy

Mentally MIA

I was in the car for 22 hours this week. I have begun to hate my road trips. But it was amazing to be home. I LOVE being in that house, in the woods, with the two most content people in the universe. Ah, Love and parents.

They've convinced me of what I've known all along, that my meds make me really tired and I should change. What a thought... going through all that again. I hate to think of being even more incapable of doing simple tasks than I am now, although I have been there before too. Also, I seem to be going through a phase where I am very fearful of depression, sickness or any kind of physical weakness... and the more afraid, the more I feel my yawns, nausea and inablity to overcome my side effects.

Not that I'm depressed again. But just the thought of going to see a pyschiatrist makes me want to crawl into bed and never come out again. I never want to struggle like I did in Chicago -- fucking wondering how I'm going to make it through the day, wondering what building, bus or train I can imagine myself jumping in front of.

But that should be all past.