just another dull account of some fucking fascinating depressive episode.

such a long week, or is it a long life, should I say? I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself. My checking account is a week overdrawn.

A picture of my life: My kitchen table is full of applications to grad school, bills, cds I tried to burn that are full of skips, the dumped out contents of my purse, leftover rice milk in a bowl and my computer shit. Oh yeah.. and my clicky old fashioned date display from my grandma's house. In my bedroom every single drawer is open and books and sex toys make up the remainer of the floor, twisted between my clothes. I can't get it together. I went 3 days without bathing. I think I know way too many of the signs of depression --it makes me hyper aware. And almost talks me into a state.

But I showed up at work at 11:30 this morning. And could breathe. Finally. This stifled feeling is not something I want to go back to. EVER. But when it overcomes me, I don't know... I don't know what to do. except wait it out. but even today as I feel ok, I am still feeling the affects.

"I believe that the world is beautiful. And poetry, like bread, is for everyone." ~Neruda