I'm drinking again!!!!!!!!

Tonight was great. I was invited to a party at JK's. And although there were more gay people there than straight, unfortunately for my singledom, I felt very much at home. It is so odd, reconnecting with people you have known for simply years. Joy is someone I met during a summer job as a sophmore in college. I suppose my avid tendency for turning summer/year long "buddies" into life long pen pals will pay off in some instances.

I miss writing letters, and wish I had the will to continue to do it. Time has crunched down on me, and email doesn't fill that need of sending a handwritten letter. There are times I ache for those people, wonderful spirits, that are far from me. I suppose the fact that the holidays are here, and one more stark new years is approaching.

I have a 5 inch xmas tree with tiny oraments. I couldn't do any more decorating... I very rarely get guests and I think that the decorations would just remind me of all the "special" times I am supposed to be having, and by not, I am supposedly missing out on them.

I can't say I feel lonely tonight, but my heart is full. Gratitude for the live I have had, the laughs, and breaths of fresh air. But most of all, knowing that I have never been in love - i suppose that I have had enough love in my life, already, to sustain me through many more years. That I know.

I'm drinking again. And now completely off effexor xr. And still happy.