on back. again.

on my back. Flat. Heat. Massage. Muscle relaxers. Drugs. Doctors.

I hate this part. The healing part. I was stuck at grandma's bible-beating-no-media-silent-christpainting-watching-you hell for 3 days. Thank goodness it was xmas. I stopped by briefly after a frailed phone conversation (her hearing aid wasn't turned up) and ended up spending the night because my back went out again.

Hello wakeup call. Things will not change unless you change them yourself.

The celebrations were delightful. My family on my dad's side rocks. Games and drinks and talk about hunting and fishing and catching up with my younger cousins. Real Minnesota time. Kev and Erin came to my other side. And we had fresh caught croppies and sunfish. Yum. Between naps and muscle relaxers I had catch up and listening time... the 4th cousins I don't know are having babies.

What was different this year, was me I guess. I wasn't lonely, like previous years (good drugs, good). I did think about what I wanted (family, lover etc.) but I am extremely lucky when it comes to family. But I have to take them as they come too. Sure, we can't talk politics (I just had to leave the room a couple times) and they talk about baiting bears (which I'll have to admit is interesting, although against my idealology). But there is history there, and the more I invest in listening, the further I am able to accept the differences.

There are so very few places that one can exist in a bubble. Sometimes I know that I am lucky, I have many.

But for now, it's on my back on the floor. Trying to get something done. and not injure myself in the process.