frozen

It snowed this morning. but I am under a fog, so forget about any elation which might accompany the storm. I could have used a thunderstorm last night. Curled up alone on my made bed in my clean apartment with the snow falling outside, the red glow of my lava lamp in the livingroom and my head radiating pain from all edges and my heart breaking as if there was no stopping it. one of my dear friends lost a baby. It's a sad tahting that has drown me today.

I bought a shovel this morning. To shovel my car out. Bad girl. Girls with bad backs should not shovel. But girls who live alone have no one to shovel for them. But I now have a bright orange shovel.

I am fucked in the head. I am quarter life crisising. I need something new but I don't know what it is. There should be other songs to sing but I am afraid of my voice. There are other pictures to jump into and lands to explore but I'm afraid I'll clash.

And so nothing changes. For the moment. Frozen.