Just a continuation of dullatity

I've been working a bit. But here's the surprising bit... I am actually getting things done. It's easier when you embrace your freedome (ie re-doing the resume, applying for non-artsy-fartsy jobs) to actually, concretely, realize what you have and in turn embrace that. Although I am sick of whiny so-called-talented teens and loud not-supposed-be-running teen wannabees, and all that dull dull dull talk about how art is supposed to be important, I am thankful to have a job which allows me sanity (IE my antidepressants) and lets me sleep in in the morning. But if I am going to hate ALL working to the degree I do, why not get paid and look for advancement.

I think about bordem. I am bored a lot with nothing to plan. I need to plan - and it's always been the new job, the new state, new theatre, new show - now what is it? Plan the systematic shuffle of things from one place to another in my tiny apartment? My daily caloric intake, when I will get to the gym.

Not dealing well with my own mediocraty folks. If only I had the existential capablities of a fish in a very small bowl. That I could do - swim left, swim right, get excited at daily feeding, would a fish experience bordem?

Do I need a creative outlet or a vaction from everybodyelses creative outleting all over me? Why the squished into a tiny isolated box and shelved feeling? I am re-reading Power of Myth and started this uber catholic book about moral existential issues which is slightly amusing but I am hoping will actually give me some insight into my listlessness.

I am really over this single thing. If I had my personal life together, I wouldn't need to worry about my professional oh-so-called life.