Confirmed: Asshole waiting to happen, happens.

The boy thatI gave my V to is on his way out. I no longer have to worry about breaking up with him or missing him or anything - he's done it all to himself.

He actually WAS the secret asshole waiting to happen. Good fucking riddence.

Now here's the question - since all my assumptions magically came true, am I going to be able to trust anyone? Does my ego have an uncanny way of reading people who are going to fuck me over or does self fulling prophecy turn me into someone who is easily fucked over?

I think a little of both. I have to be better.

I really tried at this. It is so easy to be independent and on my own. I really put a lot into this emotionally. But the cool thing is that next time I can go a little further - take bigger risks with my heart. HE was. He in the past tense. Even though he still thinks he is. He isn't.

I boiled it down for mom today "I can't talk about the things I really care about with him because he thinks they are bullshit." I'm sick of trying to be someone I'm not. At duck and jones' friday I realized, 'oh yeah, this is who I am.' these are my people. he isn't. Wouldn't get along with my friends.

What was I thinking? I was giving it a good try. I was trying every moment.

The sex worked, so it tricked me. We do have a lovely connection through our skin. I felt connected through the sex, but it is good, but not enough for me. We were super bad friends. I didn't communicate. I need to learn to communicate not stiffle. Ask for what I need. Because I do need attention and communication in a relationship. I need someone who understands my point of view. All these things that I am - I could have ended this way earlier. WOW

HERE COMES REALIZATION: It won't work if I'm not myself. If I'm not myself it will eventually fail because I'll eventually go back to being myself. SO all I can be is myself.

Friday he was an hour late because he couldn't get his ass off the couch. Saturday he fell asleep on the couch and called me 1/2 before and canceled. But he did it in such a shitty way, he wasn't upfront, it was like he was waiting for me to let him out of it. Fucker. And then I told him he should just call me tonight. And here it is, 10:36pm, no call.

NO questions. He'll regret his actions.