dh the hero

I love this passage that I read last night from Lady Chatterley's Lover.

"and she knew, if she gave herself to the man, it was real. But if she kept herself for herself, it was nothing. She was old; millions of years old, she felt. And at last she could bear the burdon of herself no more. She was to be had for the taking. To be had for the taking."

I feel that, being 25 and a virgin. Like being had for the taking is ok. But more than that, I feel that I want to experience sex as an awakening of some part of me. As not this part of me who wants to be emotionally involved because certainly that is something different. But I wonder how will it be when having sex? Will I be as open as my imaginings, fantasies and cyber encounters? And will it truly be a better experience than my hard, long vibrator? Will I leave emotion out? Could I, if I tried? Have a male mentality about it. Wouldn't that be a perfect compliment to my independent nature? Or would I end up growing old and grey with no one to share life with later on. My life isn't so full that I need this independance, not so empty that I need emotional dependance, and what is the point of a debate when I have neither choice at hand. I guess I want to be sure, when the next sexual opportunity comes, what I want out of it.

Look at the calender, leaves should fall soon, I don't think I want another year to go by sexless. But safety, causality and love contenders to the game. D. H. Lawrence, what a guy. I'm half done with the book I was given a year and 1/2 ago.

And all I have to say about everything is: It's about time.

and I'm smiling.