nothing new

the minutes are not ticking away they are skidding along on my body and i feel each and every one of them.

I guess I have a bad attitude. I can't work. all I do is put numbers on papers and photocopy. I can't do anything accept sit here. Maybe I need to up my dose again. I feel like I am slipping. I am hating work more everyday. Hating getting on the train with too many unknown people. Hating the heat of the city and summer coming in like death. Feeling very stuck and sad. When will it end??

I'm going to whisper sweet nothings to the trees this weekend and wink at the wind and listen to the melted snow tickle through the layers of the earth. and sleep until there is no sleep left in me and the blackness gets eaten by the upcoming quest and i am innocent again.

i will only be innocent and gritty at the same time. i am contradiction