A Dusty Archive From the Trenches...

"I just don't know how to feel sometimes. I like him, and being with him. I've never felt so cared about and maybe needed by a person before. What about this sex thing? He is 17 and he knows what he is doing. I am 15, inexperienced and want to stay young. I've got my whole life ahead of me. Why do I need to do those things-- and worry about them now? I don't and shouldn't have to!! And I'm not going to. If he wants to do those things he can find himself another girlfriend. The first time I kissed a guy I didn't like it. Dating is a new thing. That I have to get used to.

We have only been going out 3 weeks tomorrow. I mean Ben didn't touch me this much. I just don't know how to explain it. I might be disgusted with him. If I just admitted I was scared. Things like this I guess just never crossed my mind. I thought he was perfect accept for this I guess he is.

I like him but I'm not sure I couldn't be in love with him. I'm just so confused and I just don't want to be. I just want time to evolve things like this.

I guess life isn't and I wanted him to be the one thing that was worry free but it just tacks on I guess. Life is so strange. You can love it and you can hate it but you can't hate the things you love."

~June 14, 1992

huh.