another long day from deep in the woods *sigh*

oooo.

today, it feels as if I have been here for a thousand years. as if the trees know me from a former life. as if nothing exists beyond this peninsula. this is my favorite place in the world. no city could ever pull focus. the older i get, the more i am beginning to experience MY roots as a deep part of who I am. I have always loved trees, felt deeply and spiritually connected with them and in a way, this vague commentary almost demeans it. I feel too close to nature to leave it behind and life in some foreign city. i know this. i am too calm here to feel anything but an extreme relaxation. my days consist of long walks in the woods, healthy meals and good company. but also an essential solitude and silence. i haven't felt this for ages.

last night, at players bar night, i realized something. players was always stressful and such a place that i always felt alone. there comes a point when the beauty surrounding you and the perfect companionship of your close friends coupled with with intense faith in your art becomes this wieghty thing, with nobody to express deep, deep love to. i am romanticizing, yes. but i am feeling this as a longing, as the missing link in my life now that i have achieved a sort of quiet.

today i walked with max and the growing chaos. I am so attatched to animals in a way i never was before. i am growing up. and that too makes me giggle.

We had a wonderful family dinner at Trio and walked the dog together. Talked, joked, ran with the pup, pointed out plants and bird calls, we ate fresh raspberries which are just beginning to ripen. It has been so nice to be all together once again. Max is going to be leaving for Madison soon.

I am one of the luckiest people in the world. I truly believe that.