"feels just like I'm falling for the first time"

working like a dog. bbark bbarrk, pant. arroooh? rough, pant pant. I like it.

Tonight, I had this fabulous conversation over an equally fab greek salad w/ salmon. Minus the olives, dressing on the side, naturally. How nice is it, when 3 people from three different areas of a production, can dish, can talk about work and laugh so damn much. And bitch, of course. And then somehow wendy's car doors got stuck open. And she just busts out laughing about it. I love these people. She is so capable that nothing can get her in a tizzy. I like capable. She just got her hands in the grease. And of course it was Shawn, gay boy extrodinare, who finally fixed the problem. He's SO butch.

I am so busy, satisfied, and have this steller social life. A zillion people I can call, the cream de la cream of my life in the same place, I'm doing theatre full time, but yet, I'm losing a battle with myself. And still wondering when I am going to make myself into this fantasy person. When will I cut out the bullshit. I need a daily dose of ass kicking. Sarah tough love even.

I started yesterday with a mantra until I finally felt like leaving my room/house/apt/dwelling. Mantras rock. Unfortunately, my miracle cure, the perfect song, my ideal weight, the friends who ALWAYS call when they say they will, the debt free existance, the emotionally stable, the settled and peaceful and creatively productive person only exists between my two ears. Perhaps I should have her tattooed there, and she will migrate towards the skin, and eventually leave and stop bugging me.

I dreamt about cement mixers last night. But I didn't get to wear one of those cool glowing vests.