meaning

i should really keep up this diary but it is so hard when I am on tour.

I have been considering becomeing a non-virgin. Well, most of you know that. And it seems strange. Like I have this special thing, that I'll be giving away. But, you see, here's the problem... is it special?? Really? that is my dilemma.

Other than the fact that Ben wants me, and he has a girlfriend. And I want him. And I guess I can wait. I hate to be thinking of it constantly. But it feels good, very alive, to have that tingle of flirting, to longing for someone so much you swear there is drull hanging from your lips. He is sleeping soundly with his girlfriend tonight. I'm almost sure of it. I can tell. He stopped paying attention to me. Stopped asking where my room was. Not like he ever stopped by.

"Knowing when you've been bad is one of the worst feelings I've ever had"

Seeking advise!!!

Dear Diary,

Should a virgin give it up just to give it up? What if she gives it up to an unavalible guy?

What is the meaning of the universe and what the hell does the existance of my virginity have to do with it??????