I consider this a landmark in my sexual revolution.

Wow. I amaze myself. Could any other girl be more inconsistant. (yes, I've just been reading myself).

NEWS: Almost lost virginity last night. Did lose some innocence, and have lived to tell about it...

B & I spent the night together last night. The night started out as a normal something-could-happen type night... bar plans, a few beers, a few darts... and then we migrated to a bar to dance. And cards to follow. And the time is now 5:45 am. HE is sloppy drunk. I am sober & tired. I stay with him when everyone leaves the room. I know what is about to happen. And we made out. Until our clothes are off. I am so comfortable with him. Like, I guess the kind of comfortable you are supposed to be with someone you are in a relationship with... not the drive me crazy sexiness of some people I have kissed (which invokes some nervousness). But more like when I kissed Jason B. So comfortable and a feeling like you just fit together. It was a beautiful feeling, but it a way, kind of anticlimatic, and average, and I hate to say boring, but it wasn't all surprises and at moments, early in the morning, I just wanted to get to sleep, and he was ready for hours and hours... I guess that's good, if we ever get it on. On the other hand, it is making me so hot thinking about him now...

It was a great experience for my self confidence. I am really beginning to understand desire between people. This sexual energy that I have had for him, he has also had for me. He has wanted me as long as I have wanted him. Oh god, just that knowledge is enough to make me want to wear lipstick all week. But it is really something to be called hot and sexy. That cannot be said enough.

He's an ok kisser. He got my style down and we really clicked by the end of the night. And then it was good. But that boy loves to kiss down below. Damn, that was nice. Unfortunately, my only comparison for sex is a rock-hard vibrator which I am in total control of. So I faked orgasms to make him stop. Bad me. Then he would come up and kiss me and I could taste myself. And we were pulling little pubic hairs from our mouths. I really wanted him inside me. But we had no condoms. Let me say this: I would have had sex if he would have had a condom. I would have had sex with him. And it would have been great. Maybe there will be a next time.

I've never given a blow job before. I know, I know, it's about time. I gave two last night. And I really liked it. He is about 5 or 6 inches, so he isn't too big, and I could get the whole thing in. And he even complimented me! I am pleased with myself. I just really didn't want to suck. No pun intended.

And here is the weird thing. I slept there. We feel asleep in each other's arms. It was great. Even though he snores and it was too hot under him and the blankets, it was so oddly comfortable. But 3 hours sleep is not enough. I tried to give him an out, even go back to my room, but I didn't really want to leave, and he just curled up to me and said "you can do whatever you want, but since we are naked and everything..." and then he started kissing me.

He is going to keep this between us. Shawn knows (he called this morning). The other sean might know, depending on how thin the walls actually are. He does have a girlfriend, and I don't want any extra rumors about us. People can already tell that we have some chemistry between us. And both Andy and Cheryl asked me if I was sleeping with B, just yesterday. Like I would tell them, even if I was...

I consider this a landmark in my sexual revolution. and I feel good.