a second mad night

Last night I spent another night with B. And he's spending tonight with J. How wonderful does that work out for him? Ah.

Here are the highlights: I apparently gave him the blow job of his life (2 orgasms, not bad for me, the beginner), he is an amazing kisser, He's been with J for 2 years and I am the only person he has cheated with her on, He's slept with 17 people. We were too tired after oral sex (and it was 5:30am) to fuck.

I am very ready to have sex. With him. And a noncommitted him. It is the fun and danger of it all that I love. Just so we can keep it from the rest of the company. I have kind of come to this realization that I could never date him, I don't want to deal with his damned immaturity and all the rest of the shit that J has to. I just get the sex and adoration. It really boosts my ego to be with him. So perhaps we are using each other. Enjoying the moment. I am really not sure where this is going.

I asked him some questions about her last night, out of curiosity. I asked him if they were going to be together forever/get married that kind of thing... he said he didn't know. THat the last 6 months they had been in flux (yet he just moved in with her). And every smart person knows that that means no. The simple fact that we have been holding out this long, and that our passion is so strong, means he isn't ready to commit to anyone, and more likely, he is not supposed to be with J. I was just asking, and then he said he didn't want to talk about it. I didn't really either. THere were better things to do.

I love this. I feel incredibly alive when I am with him, and like a door has openned into a whole new world. And I have to crawl about on my knees (which have rug burns btw) and explore. It's fun. And I have no regrets.