no sex and a sunny disposition

I Should be working, but damn it, I need to update. 2 nights of sleeping alone. And barely. I have gotten 15 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. WoW! I be old. Ok, so B & I have to get ourselves a daytime schedule. I am almost afraid to talk to him now that Jane was here yesterday and he'll be with her again tomorrow. BUT DAMN, that is so bad, I can't stand it, I have to be with him tonight. I like all the naughtyness of this. AND I am horny of course.

I had an awesome time w/michelle in LaCrosse. We talked about blow jobs and sex and B and B and she just warned me that I am emotional and that I could get attatched. Yah, so? Ok, I know I am emotional about all this. I know I will miss him touching me, but I only really think of him in a sexual way. It is a new feeling. Michelle said something about the Effexor and my body is finally waking up, and I am feeling alive, and sexually alert again. It's very true. I wasnt' ready before, I couldn't deal with anything. But now I can handle a lot.

And my answer to her, was that I almost want to get hurt. I've been afraid for so long, afraid of feeling, afraid of rejection, afraid of love, afraid of everything emotional. And NOW I am not as afraid, and I want to jump in, I want to drown myself in the feelings that I have. I want to get hurt and see how it changes me. I want to feel all these things. To have sex and more sex and challenge myself. I am constantly surprising myself these days.

Perhaps I should plan a sexual encounter for tonight...

this is one sweet world...