wrapping it all up

I still have this fantasy that Ben and I will do it on Thursday, last day of tour. Silly me. Virginity alludes me.

LeRoy died last night. I slept for 12 hours last night. I slept through it. I'm not sure how I should feel about it. It seems so far from me, death, family, holidays, a real life. My lonliness has lessened but there is still a heaviness there. Perhaps I feel heavy because of the death.

I am looking forward to this weekend. The wieght of the tour will be lifted, and life will be all about planning a vacation, shopping and making presents.

I was silly to think that I need to make new friends. I don't need new friends, I need to let the ones I have get closer to me.

wrapping up this tour... will it wrap up other things: depressive moments, caring about the wrong people, addictions, and wasting energy.