To-night/day Sun-nny/Day/Shine R-ocks/olls/ambles

I felt alive for the first time in a long time today. My workshop meeting went well, we did some yoga moves and I felt my body. And I looked at my body. And it looked ok. I am starting to get motivated (in general) and want to make it my one goal, to get back into shape. To do outdoor sports. I really want to do it w/o being out of breath. Maybe a goal would be to stop smoking/drinking also.

But today, I am always so nervous in front of actors, especially when it comes to those smart pretty people, ok well, those funny pretty people. I think it is going to be cool to get to know that actors in the company. I hope I do get to know them. My hopes are always huge. And I love actors, they just get me off-centered because they have the one thing I have wanted for so many years, magnetivity and beauty acknowledged. But now, that's all over and I have to equally get over it.

I am indeed one with the world tonight, even though my conversations w/kevin set me off kilter but I guess that's what happens... I will never, ever be able to relate to me as he does to another gay man.

Speaking of the homosexual community... Mullhulan Drive? Who knew? Steamy. Trippy. Liked it a lot, but I am sure I didn't quite get it. I'm thinking Lynch is more of a tone/emotion/mood that we are allowed than a comprehension. At any rate, it was 2 bucks. You can't even buy cheap whores for that price.

New cds rock for those with short musical attention spans...

"lets take a walk around the park" sing it jillscott.

Oh ya. Here's one for you all. I like to laugh at myself. I thought somebody stole my car today. Walking out of MF at the mall. I walked up and down the lanes for at least 20 minutes, then mall security came, and informed me that there was (indeed) another lot which looks exactly the same as the one I was in. Oh ya, and it happens to everyone. I almost wished my car was stolen. Anyway, I get the stupidest award for the day, because when I saw my Syracuse parking sticker I was so relieved that ALL my credit card, tax, health and banking files were not missing along with the celebrated navy toyota. Funny how life reminds you of those things you have to do.

It feels so good not to be tired. I want to stay up all night, howl at the moon and have a long peaceful conversation.

I've been missing spiritual connections. Eureka! I have to get out for a hike this week, or weekend. I have to contact god in some way. I have to stop confusing my stomach with my heart, or god with godesses or penises with love or sex with connection or emotions with weakness or

making my entries so fucking long