wishing...

I was freakin this morning. More reminents of my missed effexor. If only I could remember things.

I went for a long walk after my long massage today. The lakes are really gorgeous. The weather was perfect today: drizzly and cold. Great walking weather and I am still wearing my damned fleece. I don't think I have taken it off since it came to me in October. I walked and walked. And took in breath after breath until elation hit me. I am better. I am going to be better.

B was online this morning when I check the email. Hum. I can't get him out of my head. Sure he's living with his long-term girlfriend, Sure he has professed to loving her and what we had was purely sexual, but he's got to be thinking of me sometimes, right??? Wish my rationality could conquer this ridiculous obsession with him (well, his body mostly).

Tomorrow work for the theater... ASMing again. Who knew? Do I have black shoes to wear??

I have dreams: and all is not lost tonight. Companionship is possible. Love is possible. Getting in shape and looking beautiful is possible.

Pinch me