girl going straight-laced :{

there are some things I have matured beyond. I realized. I'm a bit calloused to my past life... I don't really like the bar scene anymore, I don't like the drug scene anymore, I don't sympathize very well anymore. And I refuse to let the suffering around me drag me down. I have a new emphasis on #1 and I'm not sure how I feel about that --or how I should feel about that. But it's this way: I don't want to go back to feeling depressed. I don't even want a tinge. But I have yet to feel what is next in my life.

The job seems to be going nowhere. Actually, I had this dream that I changed jobs and I truly missed what I did. It may be so, may be not.

The real decision between this job and grad school is the lifestyle is very free (seemingly) but perhaps it isn't as free as I think. The older I get the more aware I am of the monitary and institutional constrains of the arts. It's that old niave girl coming through. "I'm stuck like a dope with a thing called hope". I know I want to go to school. I just have to go through with it... ego on the line and all that...

Something trivial: I'm dripping (Literally) with sweat right now.

That's all. Y is great still. Just have to loose the late night nacho cravings and the going out to eat. Still eing the boy from far away. Trying to move from the place I was to the place I am going...whereever