Numb girls don't cry. We sing lame pop songs

What is it in the air?

EVERYONE I KNOW IS JUST FUCKED UP.

Perhaps it is only the view from my grey sky.

I'm a false pretense to myself. And I feel like screaming "don't let me get me!!" From Pink of all people. How old am I, l0? When will the psycho-suicidal-self destruction stop?

I slept 14 hours between yesterday at 7pm (when I got home from work) and today at 10am (when I finally decided to go into work). I feel absolutely ill. Like a fucking Zombie. Nothing there. Nothing to feel and feeling it all.

My parents (bless them) sent me a digital camera for my bday. Joy. The present just depresses me more. I have Always gotten exactly what I want and more. And it his one more example. I don't even want to use it, the thought of it just makes me ill, the excess of my life and how it has amounted to this nothingness.

God, I hope something substantial comes out of my current emotional duress. Perhaps it will be worth ignoring society as I have, sleeping and eating and making a mockery of my work situation.

I could cry.

This is hazardous. I was just on the verge of progression. And this, is nothing but devestating and pulling me backwards silently when I should be kicking and screaming. Or trying to create something.

And perhaps that is the real catalzt of the situation, my inablity to move, create or express and the desparate need to.