I'm 13. again.

vacation day 1:

What have I done? Breakfast walk lunch bath bike dinner

How great can one life be? I'm only slightly annoyed. M.B. is here and talking about their house and garden and wedding and perfect life. And suddenly I am to the sidelines. Nobody really asks me anything. It seems that m & b talk more than I do to my own mother. Nasty jealous tones, this I know. I'll get over it.

It's hard to be where I am right now. I know that I will lose wieght slowly but it sucks so much to be fat. I can't even tell you. Especially FEELING GOOD! I mean, I feel great. Execept that I have this extra thing keeping me from being able to go on dates and feel confident.

I am re-thinking this whole i-dating thing. Just the thought of dating makes me want to creep away slowly into a dark room. But to actually have a boy interested in me, that is a whole other kind of scary. There is a big part of me that says that our first date will be lame and he's 5'5" so why would I be attracted to him anyway and blah, blah, blah. But honestly, what if I do like him? And here's the big what if??? HE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

I don't know if I am up for a rejection like that. Oh sing it Peter Stuart

"I can't stand the fear of falling but I don't want to stay here on the ground..."

And breathe.

better