some kind of sweet redemption

Things are looking up for this new year. Already two days in and I feel a sense of self-worth. I even had a good new years evening and tears didn't well in my eyes to find myself sleeping alone. Actually, the sheets were very nice, a million threads of cotton in a lovely pale yellow and no male leaking liquids out of his 5th appendage. Something irks me about the male species and I must give money so more of them can be put through neurological exams...

I feel strong in this coming year. I feel strength. My new mantra is "I am an athlete"! And those who would meet me would laugh behind their thick skulls to see me repeat over and over in my luke-warm morning shower - I am an athlete! I am an athlete! They do not understand that you become what you think. I am pushing. I am determined. I am driven. I am unsure. But that's where change begins, I am almost 1/2 way positive.

What other movies has jack white been in??? As if Seven Nation Army wasn't enough... I'm now in love with him. Too bad he's like famous and dating a wiaf. Maybe in another life.

So dating. Back to it. I'm determined not to let this week be discouraging. Just because men who pursue me on the internet aren't even slightly in the same league as the average, mild manored, conversation-carrying people I meet in real life, I am not discouraged. I will see my genius boy in 6 months. I will continue to pine over the thought of jboy, only the thought, because of course, that is a daydream of sorts, but it keeps me going. Letters keep my going, don't need perfection, all I need is a nudge once in a while. A big old nod from the greater good of humanity and I can keep on struming along.

Speaking of keeping along. I see shiatsu boy tomorrow. Hum... He doesn't know it, but, he secretly wants to be with me. Someone like me. I am the girl of his dreams, but I am wearing a 50 lb fat suit.

I will have this life. I will eat it for breakfast and I will not ever give it up for anyone or anything.