so much for disection

My former boy frustration has turned into a deep concentrated feeling of determination. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you OPERATION WBM. I have found a muse and he shall be utilized. His complatency shall be trumped by my drive to make the changes I have longed for in myself. A forever longing and never changing... that must be what suffering from depression really is, locked in your head, knowing the possiblities and leting them torture you until you cannot raise from the fetal position. (been there done that not going back.)

Today I went into the mass-produced chain store that I used to go gaga over and I hated everything I saw. Of course it had something to do with the 80's motif I have previously mentioned hating. But I would rather have much sophisticated clothes, manicured fingernails and lipstick. This is new for the sort of tomboy I used to accept. But, I tell you if I am going to do highlights, let me not do the middle aged woman blond/dark brown contrast. Kill me first --- but realize that this is coming from the girl who said she would never dye her hair or have short "pregnant woman" hair, and we know that I have had short short hair, subtle highlights and well, I'll keep the dyed hair a mystery. In short I have become all I never wanted to. Why did I rebel against this for so many years? But then again, I idolized the goth culture at one time... Can we believe that the first boy who broke my heart penned a teardrop under his own eye??

So much for dissection... if it is going to land back in the lap of BS.

Daily admission of guilt: Can I really have a crush on my anatomy teacher? How wrong is that? We can both get excited about looking at muscle testing videos??