alright with trying

it's kind of hard tonight. I don't know what to feel and don't know what to think. I'm trying. To be someone who is strong and agile. to be calm in my afterglow. But there is still bad blood that wants to hate and assume. Assuming. This is the deadliest of sins. This is my overactive brain. Imagining what could happen that does not. Imagining something different than the situation that presents itself. I am happysad. I don't know the next direction that I should take. I know it will be right if I take a direction and not let situations lead me. I need to take the lead in my own life - follow my heart and if I am not followed I take the path alone. That is how it has always been.

But there is more for me than this. So much more than wanting. There is having. And having will come. With deep breath I know this. With gentle words to sing me to sleep tonight, I know this. With gentle resolve I hit the pillow running knowing that tomorrow is another day and I am not hurt by my own assumptions.

I am trying. I am doing my best. What is not my decision to make is not my problem - I only do my best. As I did tonight, and in my universe all will be alright.