Gaps. Voids. Clarity

Validation friends - all it takes is a phone number from a stranger. That's it. Nothing more.

I have to stop being moody on the occasion that I may or may not be rejected. How can this come to a halt? Why the need for constant internet personals validation??? When will the possiblity of a real relationship present itself? When I mean real, I do not mean what I have mocked for over a year now - the constant first dates with no mutual understanding and the continual questioning of if I am giving someone who I don't even really LIKE a chance - I mean real. Tangible. Touchable. Talkable. Laughable. I mean drinking shots with a bunch of guys from Wisconsin who want to make fun of the married guy and talk about everything and nothing but it is not important if it means something - what means something is the fact that we are all sitting there being able to relate to one another.

I have been lacking basic human interaction. I have been changing who I relate to and who I do not.

There is a gap there. A GAP. I've been meeting people who fall into the gap and instead of walking away - I just scream down to them trying my best to continue the conversation. Looking for fucking rope - hauling them up to me just to have them jump back down but not even realizing I don't like them in the slightest. I only like the idea of them - it is only the idea that I refuse to let go of. And what is this idea of a person - of a relationship. It is worse that simply having the void there in the first place.

Stopping loving the idea of the relationship and the actual thing may manifest from off the radar.

Clearer.