virginity lost

Done. Jumped.

What is different? Perhaps nothing, except I was able to actually get some real beautiful sleep with him in his bed.

I didn't plan. I thought about before I got there and that "if I felt it, I felt it and then I would let it happen". And it did very naturally. When I got there last night, we layed on the couch together, no kissing, no heavy petting - just talking and sitting holding each other - talking about the long week. And I thought, damn, if we can do this, and I am this comfortable with him, it's going to happen. Nothing makes me more hot than him just holding me close and feeling his intensity.

It wasn't scary. It wasn't beautiful. It was nice. It was comfortable. It was a natural progression. (and none of the messy blood or pain) He did make me happy in many ways. We came together the second time - and that was really cool.

I am kind of glad I waited until I was happy with myself - I'm sure it was a considerably smooth and natural threshold for me to cross - compared to the horror story it could have been.

And in some ways, it has not brought us closer but distanced us. Interesting. I act like nothing has changed but I also feel like I've been through the vulnerable part - he likes me and I trust that and what is next is whatever comes... like sex or relationship or a phone call tonight. Maybe I'm going to need some more reassurance now - but perhaps the opposite - perhaps I will now find it easier to pull back from him. I hope he doesn't let me.

I can still smell him.