questions for the month-long undefined relationship.

Slightly cold and apprehensive tonight. I haven't seen the current boy in a week. It frightens me. Although it was obvious in our conversation yesterday that we crave seeing each other. My question is - why?

It may seem self degrading (and admittantly I am very PMS-y) But seriously. Who is this guy? I'm a quirky, non-decisive, non-committal, fat girl with no job and a losing financial situation. What's the draw? I'm pretty and I can crack a joke or two but history has shown that there is little captivating about me (else I'd be on stage). So what is it that brings us together? He has made very few compliments to me... and it can't be the sex unless he has NO experience to know I have no experience.

These questions frighten me. Because I kind of like him. Although I still don't understand why. How can other people say they know that "he's the one" when they meet someone? First of all, I don't believe in that and second of all - I'm not even sure we should be together, he's ok for right now and we're ok for right now and that is all I want to know.

I've probably gained back 10 lbs in my month of happiness and boy stress. Which I'm ok with. Two steps forward one step back is ok with me. But now it's time to get back on the wagon and go forward. I'm not going to waste precious life changing time on what could be a short lived relationship. OR whatever we are. I feel grotesque (again hoping it's just the pre-blood blues).